Drifted Away With This Brand New Eyes

~~ Misguided Ghost ~~

I'm going away for a while
But I'll be back don't try and follow me
Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

And run from them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction

Cause I'm just one of the ghosts
Travelling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

Well now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on
And run to them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh, you are not useless
We are just
Misguided Ghosts

Travelling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And they still echo me

~~ They echo me in cricle ~~

Why this Life is Hard?

okay. my life gets even difficult now. i hate this new job now. Argh, everything seems so not right. I don't see myself fit in any real job. I don't know. I need help. I can't do this. So much regrets in this life. I made so many mistakes. :(

Interview

I went for interview this morning, and I think this is the interview that I get to answer question that involved mechanical and chemical solution. Hah, I was given some diagram and asked what do you know about this? Heck, I forgot all that or precisely I have no idea any of those questions or any terms and that I don't recall back any of the physics law or whatsoever. The answers were flow rate and volume. I think I just humiliated myself in front of the interviewer. Then, he asked me about calibration. "What the ---- ?" Haha, I said this is about "bla bla bla", an uncertainty answer came out from me, because clearly I also don't know what is that and how to calibrate it? I think it's pretty obvious how I don't know any of those. I tried to think of a suitable answer but I can't seem to think of one. Hm, so yea, that's how my interview goes. He said he will inform my application status in this two days. I don't know.

Another Shitty Feeling, Another Shitty Day

I hate my job, I hate those who put me in this Pejabat bla bla bla..I hating myself for going online and fill in the form a few couple of months before, I hate that I turn off the Sushi King offer, I hate that I made a mistake in this life for whatever I am in, I hate people that always like to order and judge & look down on one's ability. You don't know me, so back off.

Ahh..I've been thinking, this is not the path that I want to be in, I despise this so much, but yet everybody just telling me, be patience, be patience. How can I carry all this, if all in my head & heart is worries, worries and worries, and day by day I feel like it's gettin' worse.

How I wish I could just vanish, ahh..that would mean "be running away". That's what I wanna do now.

SO TENSE!

Just shoot me!

Argghhhh!!!

I think this is the time I'm at my quarter life crisis.

I would burst myself out of tears thinking bout this life, and whatever happened to ME??!!??

Off To Work

So, it's Wednesday. Went to work today after the Raya Holidays. I feel like don't want to get up this morning, but I had too. My sister went back to Miri today too, at 6.00am I guess, cause at that time, sy blum bangun lagi. Oh then when I wake up, I saw her handphone on the table..WA! she forgot to bring her handphone. Hahaha..! No worries, I'll be posting it tomorrow. How? There's a way, the same way I did with the camera. Eventhough, at first, I did not want to give the camera to my sis, then I gave up because she said only for 1 week, but now I think it's more than 1 month.

Ugh, so borrrrrringggggggggggggg today @work. I've nothing to do. so it's officially my 6th day of working. Haha, yeah, some of you might think "hey that's great, just relax". But I think it would be better if I'm at home right at the moment, so I can be with my brownish-coloured baby. at least I have something to do. LOL XD

Raya Season

So, I'm still on Raya Holidays.
There were lots of people at the beach this morning. Mainly Indonesians.

And my dog gave birth last Saturday to 5 little cute puppies. Hahaha, what would they be called? A, B, C, D, E?

First Day

At 23, I still don't know what I want to do in life.

So I've graduated, got myself a degree pffh! but came out unemployed for like one year. At which I can say I'm pretty much enjoy it because lots of free time (eek! not couraging at all) or being miserably hopeless all the time. So, 14th September 2009 was the day I started my first job, hm not really that first job I think, but anyway so here the story goes:

I wake up early that morning, 6.30am like that, well early than my usual schedule before. Get that ready, get this ready and off I went to the office (not going to mention which, i'm afraid to get blacklist if I said anything bad, lol). Quite nervous as well. Go in and saw two people chit-chatting in front so I asked "er um where can I report duty?" So this man take the paper I hand him over as he reads it. Bla bla bla. Ok, you wait here first. I went to find my seat, and there's this guy too waiting there. Hm so I assumed myself, "oh, he's here for the same thing too". So I just waited there looking around the office, some of the staffs coming in for work, gazing at us. So I was thinking, ah this is how this place is and the people. Then I came across this uncle, who looks so familiar, yes, I know that uncle. He's my friend's father. His daughter went to the same matriculation and primary school with me. Then with this still awkward gaze from the staffs there, the two of us were still waiting like a stupid rock. This guy who waits there too asked me "Are you coming from this program too?". So I said yes. Bla bla he talked (I forgot already) Then he said "oh probably we'll be going to Sebauh. I was like..huh? Sebauh? Oh no. But I just remained myself calmed. I asked him "kmu suda lapor diri ka?". "Eh suda sy tadi". I waited again. At 9.ooam (roughly ok), come this uncle and asked me to follow him, so I followed him to this room to report duty. Oh, it's that man at the front door just now, so he asked when did you get this letter? I said last friday. So he brief a little, then he mentioned about Sebauh again. Shoot I said, in my head. So stupid cause I'm just angguk-angguk, geleng-geleng, iye-iye. He said they have 2 offices in Bintulu, one here and the other at S. Hm, I was like no, why go there? Here can not meh? So he said again, later we go there to see the office and quarters and all. So I went back to my seat just now. Waited again til 10.30am like that. I hate waiting especially when you have nothing to do. So dum dum dum, I was so bingung already so I sms my bestie Erley B, can't really express the whole thing but only this --> Oh tidak erley!!!! (haha, ya ka erley? Sy lupa uda o). That's it. The off we went to Sebauh to look at the place, but I already don't feel good at all. Went to see the officers there, like meet & greets. Haha. That place was very "sunyi'. What's goin on at my head at the moment was, oh what will I be dealing with? Went to see the quarters as well, hm so abandoned, creepy ahh...i just wanna says no. Hm, lookin' at that place like that, crazy thoughts came across my mind. pffh!
So the officer there said you guys made up your mind dulu la, whether want to stay here or ulang-alik. "Hehehehe" Hm, yeah so I'm so worried to go there after this, when I have transport, don't know what will our job be. Currently, still at the office in Bintulu, the people quite okay, but I'm still feel kekok. Haha.

So it's my 5th day working, hm..so much goes in my head. I think I need to just hang on for a while. Saturday today, going to make some ice shaved again at the beach. Somemore it's Raya season, means more holidays.

That's all for now. I'm out of ideas.